Life Didn't go as Planned - And We're Talking About it
Behind The Filter Podcast: After Dark Edition
Bad Luck, Dating Audacity, and Big Feelings About Turning 40
After a summer of missed schedules, life changes and very little dating news, Ashley and I are finally back together for an honest, funny and emotional After Dark conversation.
A skin-care win—and a streak of bad luck
Ashley starts with a beauty update: after struggling with melasma and hyperpigmentation, she describes her experience with Lumecca treatments at Prana and shares how much she feels her skin has improved after two sessions. She also talks about being careful with sun exposure and heat, especially with a trip to Cabo coming up. She then recounts a run of truly unfortunate events: a porch swing collapsed while she and her brother were sitting on it, leaving them injured, and a stressful mishap at a car wash caused by a newer car’s emergency-brake system. The story turns into a reminder that accidents happen—and that a little patience and kindness can go a long way when someone is already shaken.
“The audacity” in dating and relationships
We discuss a viral story about a man who gave his ex-wife a list of things he claimed he had “given up” to be in their relationship. His supposed sacrifices included staying faithful, working a regular job and not acting like a jerk. So, are basic expectations in a relationship really sacrifices, or is the list an attempt to shift blame?
From there, we swap stories about dating and unsolicited messages—from a much older man pursuing a visibly young woman in someone’s dating-app photo to an old acquaintance sliding into a DM with an overly familiar “baby.” We also laugh about unsolicited advice on how women should dress and speak. Not every message is unwelcome, though because we give a shout-out to the kind, supportive people who make our online communities feel warmer.
A birthday funeral—and saying the loving things now
One story offers a surprisingly moving change of pace: an 80-year-old woman reportedly held her own funeral so she could hear what people would say about her while she was still alive. The hosts reflect on how often people wait until someone has died to share their stories and appreciation. This leads into a conversation about grief, recent hardships and the importance of telling people they matter now—not someday.
Turning 40, hopes for family and making a new plan
As Ashley approaches her 40th birthday, she opens up about mixed feelings around the milestone. She says she’s grateful for the life she has built—her friends, family and career—while also grieving that she hoped to be married and a mother by this point.
She shares that she’s beginning to explore adoption as one possible path to motherhood, while acknowledging the fears and questions that come with considering parenthood on her own. Her friend encourages her to let herself feel the complicated emotions without treating them as a burden.
The conversation is a reminder that people can love the lives they have and still mourn the things they hoped would happen. We left the episode with this encouragement for anyone feeling behind schedule: life may not follow the plan, but there may still be meaningful paths forward.
Watch or listen to the full episode below:
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~J
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