What My Puerto Rican Mom Never Told Me (Until Now)
Behind The Filter Podcast
Reclaiming Roots & Surviving the Unfiltered: Generational Culture, Young Motherhood, and Resilience with My Mom
Recorded on a family vacation in Puerto Rico—with the soothing nighttime chirps of native coquí frogs echoing from the nearby El Yunque rainforest— I sat down with my mom, Wanda, for a deeply personal, unfiltered conversation.
From growing up in Mayagüez and navigating the 1970s in Brooklyn to being 16, married and pregnant, surviving an armed bank robbery, moving across the country to San Diego, and breaking generational parenting cycles, my mom shares her remarkable life story.
From Mayagüez to Brooklyn: The Search for Opportunity
Wanda was born in Mayagüez, Puerto Rico, in 1964. My grandfather Domingo left first to secure work in New York before sending for the family, who lived in a cramped one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. He spent 25 years working at the Ronzoni Macaroni factory in Long Island, rising to supervisor despite never speaking fluent English.
"I used to ask him, 'Dad, how do you talk to your co-workers when you need to tell them what to do?' He’d make me laugh because he said he’d just point and say, 'Pues mira, mueve eso allá!'... and it worked!" — Wanda
Language Barriers & The "No Sabo" Generation
Moving to Brooklyn around age 6 without bilingual or ESL support, my mom was held back in 1st grade simply because she didn't speak English. While she eventually adapted, English became her dominant language outside her parents' home.
This early struggle explains why many second- and third-generation Latino kids experience language disconnects—even inside proudly Puerto Rican households, parents often prioritized English so their kids wouldn't face the same educational hurdles. Hence why my mother never spoke Spanish to me.
Strict Rules, Secret Bike Rides & Teen Marriage (16 & 17)
Growing up in a traditional, highly protective home meant strict boundaries. Stoop hangouts were fine, but riding bikes around the block was forbidden. (Spoiler: Wanda and her sisters snuck around the block anyway!)
Seeking independence from an overly strict household, Wanda fell in love and got married at just 16 to my dad (who was 18 or 19).
The Baseball Game Labor & Giving Birth at 17
With zero pregnancy classes and a mother in denial who shared terrifying horror stories about epidurals, 17-year-old Wanda had no idea what to expect during childbirth.
While sitting with her dad watching a baseball game at 37 weeks, she started getting sharp pains. Not realizing she was in labor, it was actually her father who looked at her and said, "Get up. Let's go to the hospital. You're in labor." Terrified by her mom’s warnings, Wanda refused an epidural and gave birth to me completely natural at 17.
Surviving an Armed Bank Robbery in San Diego
After getting her GED and going to business school for administrative work, Wanda initially worked in investment banking in New York (Citibank, Barclays). Later, after moving to San Diego to escape Brooklyn’s rising crime—where teachers were finding drug needles in the schoolyard—Wanda worked as a bank teller.
At just 19 or 20, Wanda was held up at gunpoint:
A robber demanded cash into a backpack and warned her, "Don't give me the red dye pack—and I've got a gun." Operating on pure survival instinct, she handed over the cash without the dye pack, hitting the panic alarm the moment he left. The traumatic experience prompted her to quit banking for good. A friend suggested legal administration, launching her successful long-term career in law firms!
Leaving New York & Moving to San Diego
Leaving Brooklyn behind meant leaving extended family, but Wanda prioritized building a safer, cleaner life for me. Arriving in San Diego felt like a whole new world—clean streets, green grass, and friendly communities. As a young single mother, Wanda focused strictly on providing and pushing forward, never looking back.
The episode closes with a heartfelt discussion on their shared Puerto Rican heritage, acknowledging how lucky their family was to hold U.S. citizenship while expressing deep empathy for immigrant families navigating today's system.
Watch or listen to the full episode below:
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~J
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